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Category: Missionary Member Articles

Do you Filter who God is?

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It feels like now, perhaps more than any other time in history, we are a culture devoted to self. In the age of limitless information, how we relate to a God we can’t limit, matters.

“…in the onslaught of information that comes at us every day we need to be able to filter it somehow…”

There was so much more mystery in the past, reverence wasn’t all that uncommon. Now, I can search Youtube for a video of an open heart surgery on my phone while my car parallel parks itself. It makes sense that in the onslaught of information that comes at us every day we need to be able to filter it somehow, like asking the question, “wait, does this relate to my life at all?” This allows me, for example, to filter out celebrity gossip and I feel my life is the better for it. We simply don’t have the time or mental capacity to deal with all of it and so a filter is a necessary, and even a good thing. It can make us conscious of what we consume. It can also make us selfish. And sometimes, it makes it difficult for us to relate to God.

When faced with a God who is so big, whose personality and expression and voice are so vast, I think we struggle to take it all in. It’s too much information, so it seems we pick one attribute of His character, one partial-truth that we like and can fit on a t-shirt, and make that the only thing about Him. “Jesus is my homeboy” – I’ve always taken issue with that slogan and never really understood why. It’s not that He’s not a friend. He is. He describes himself as a friend and there’s even a hymn that truthfully proclaims, “what a friend we have in Jesus.”

“Introducing Jesus as your homeboy is like me introducing my husband as my roommate.”

Introducing Jesus as your homeboy is like me introducing my husband as my roommate. I can’t help but laugh thinking of his face if I ever tried that. I mean sure, I suppose it’s technically true. We do share a room. But it’s simplistic to the point of being offensive, isn’t it? When I think about who my husband is, a million images run through my mind. Him kneeling on the ground in a forest holding a diamond. Kissing me at the front of a church. Our first big argument, and the tears in his eyes as we both asked forgiveness. I see him in an ugly hospital rocking chair, holding our first child, and the expression on his face as he sees himself mirrored in a tiny baby girl.  I see him at the top of a mountain in his climbing harness and can hear him say “that feels like church to me.” I see him leading worship at the little church we helped start, and the guys who have always looked to him for leadership. I see him with a cup of coffee and one hand on the steering wheel on one of the many road trips we’ve taken together. I see the look on his face when he learned his dad was diagnosed with cancer. I have a million memories, not just of who he is to me, but who he IS. I can pick him out of a crowd by just the sound of his footsteps. I know him. I know him too well to be able to come up with a cute marketing slogan for him. Nothing would fit. Nothing would be enough.

“I want to run out of words trying to describe Him.”

I want my relationship with Jesus to look like that and more. To know the sound of His steps, to know His words, to know how He’ll react to a situation in my life because I know Him. I want to run out of words trying to describe Him. The beauty and wonder of it is that He has made Himself knowable. I can’t get over that. The Creator of galaxies and fireflies and everything between is constantly in pursuit of us, of you. He already knows more about you than even you do.

The only appropriate response to that kind of devotion is to spend our lives knowing Him – all of Him –  more and more. A friend recently prayed, “help us to reconcile Your holiness with our adoption.” That sounds like a great place to start.  Let’s be a people who don’t apply our own filter to who God is, but let Him define who He is and how we see Him.

 

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Crying In Airport Bathrooms

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There’s a first time for everything, they say.

On a trip last summer I experienced a first. I do a lot of traveling being a missionary — checking into flights, dealing with ticket agents, going through security screenings, answering customs questions, etc. It is all very normal and causes very little anxiety nowadays. However, I had a not-so-civil experience in mid 2017. The incident led to a break down in a bathroom stall where I could not stop crying.

The tears had started as I made my way through US Customs. Thankfully, the gracious US customs agent, must have seen the tears welling in my eyes as it became increasingly difficult for me to answer her simple questions. She let me through with no issues. The tears were probably a combination of several things. Earlier, I had had a very distressing encounter with a United Airlines ticket agent and was given news that my sister, brother and dad would not be meeting me at the airport to say goodbye. I’d anticipated their arrival, but they tragically were delayed because — of all insane things — a bear jumped in front of their car on the way to the airport. The accident ruined the front end of the car, cracking the windshield and setting off the airbags. Before I got the phone call about the bear incident, I had gotten one hour of restless car sleep in a sketchy parking lot — my first shut eye in almost 24 hours. Emotions were also high because I had just come straight from my dear friend’s beautiful wedding and I was on my way to officially moving to Montana after 18 months of, essentially, couch surfing and living out of a suitcase.

“…the tears came from the realization that following Jesus can be really, really tough sometimes.”

I’ve had long nights before. But this time was different. I was a basket case of emotions and wept more than I have probably in about nine years. What had kept the tears flowing in that bathroom stall was not the stress of the awful ticket agent, the missed goodbye with my family, or finally moving to Montana after months of waiting. Instead, the tears came from the realization that following Jesus can be really, really tough sometimes.

Later that year, I led a Biblical teaching team to Taiwan. Though the ministry was rewarding, to see so many familiar faces I had met and ministered to in 2016, as well as build relationships with new people and ministries. Personally though, the outreach really stretched me. There were some things that happened with my family and friends at home that made me feel helpless, lonely and isolated. There was nobody to talk to, or so I felt. I have a poor tendency to believe that nobody wants to listen to me when I struggle, so rather than impose my sore heart on someone else, I choose independence. The isolation made leading a team difficult and near the end of my time in Taiwan, I felt done. One night, I stood on the edge of the ocean watching the waves of the Pacific crash against the shore. I whispered to the heavens similarly painful words to those I had offered in the airport earlier that year, “Jesus, I don’t want to do this anymore. I want to be done. I’m so tired of feeling this way. Can you send me someone? Can you never bring me back here?”

Again, I let tears slowly trickle down my cheek. As I let myself go, I let the pressure to be perfect slip away. When the tears subsided, I heard the gentle voice of Jesus telling me that I wasn’t done. He told me it was okay to feel sad. And He told me He was not sending someone else to do what He’d called me to do. I took a deep breath and let a few more tears fall.

Often where our tragedy and our surrender meet is where we encounter hope

Often where our tragedy and our surrender meet is where we encounter hope. As we push open the stall door, tear stained face and all, we realize that we can’t stay broken. Jesus came to heal the broken hearted, and those living a life faithful to Him. He is the epitome of provision and hope. So go ahead — break down. Jesus is just waiting to show you His hope and give you the strength to make it to tomorrow.

Maybe you are hesitant to believe this right now. But…there’s a first time for everything, right? Why not make this your first for today?

 

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Embracing Silence

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“In silence and in meditation on the eternal truths, I hear the voice of God which excites our hearts to greater love.”  — C. S. Lewis

If I am being honest, I don’t always desire time with God as much as I think I should.

If I am being honest, I don’t always desire time with God as much as I think I should. I want the distractions. I want the Netflix binge. I want the noise. I want the people. I want the things that the world screams I need. But all those things still leave me desiring something deeper. Something that I can usually only find in the silence with my Savior.

So why is it so hard for me to desire the silent times with God? My habits keep pushing me to run after the things that world puts on a pedestal as the “essentials.” Christians even put these on a pedestal sometimes. There is a constant pressure to be caught up on the latest show or buzz in the media. But in order to do so, the noise and distractions can literally never end.

We are actually made for the ebb and flow of noise and silence, community and solitude.

The harsh news is that constant screen time, is not sustainable. We are actually made for the ebb and flow of noise and silence, community and solitude. Even Jesus, fully God and fully Man, took times away from the crowds for silence and rest (Mark 1:35, Luke 4:42). He was always getting away to spend time with His Father in silence and solitude. Jesus would even take time for silence and rest in the middle of chaotic storms (Mark 4:38). God himself set aside time for rest after He finished creation, thus setting an example for us (Genesis 2:2-3).

After studying Spiritual disciplines, God laid it heavy on my heart to start practicing the discipline of silence and solitude. This is REALLY difficult for me. Again, I like the noise. The first thing I do when I get in the car is turn on music for the drive. The first thing I do when I sit down to work at my desk, is turn on the perfect playlist to set the mood for study. I avoid silence like none other. Not because I am afraid of what I will find there, but because I really like music and interaction and avoiding boredom.

It only takes a few minutes a day to quiet my soul and listen.

God has been patiently teaching me the joy of silence, solitude and meditation. Sometimes it only takes a few minutes a day to quiet my soul and listen. But it is in those moments that God truly speaks!  The times where I turn off the music on a drive and just listen in the silence are among some of my favorite times with God I have had.

 

So how do I pursue silence?

 

Stop Trying to Avoid Boredom

I’m learning to not jump from one thing to the next just to stay busy and instead to embrace unoccupied moments and be still before God. In those times, I am learning to settle into the peace and freedom that can be found in the rest.

Turn off the Noise

It is important to turn off external noises like Netflix or Spotify, but God is also teaching me how to intentionally quiet my own thoughts that try to dominate the silence. Once the other distractions cease, I have found that I can focus on the one voice I truly desire to hear, God’s.

Creating Moments in the Hussle

There is always going to be something breaking the silence. However, God is showing me how to find moments of reflection and silence in the midst of noise and chaos. In a room full of people, I can still quiet myself and listen to God’s whisper. On a noisy trail in Glacier National Park, I can still encounter my Creator. God is omnipresent; it just takes opening my ears to hear him amidst the busyness.

I promise the fight against distractions is worth it! There is such great value in taking time to pause, turn off the noise and to seek the Lord. To be with him is to know him more. So, let us discover a whole new level of intimate relationship with our Creator — in the silence.

 

 

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Christians Struggle with Depression Too

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I have wrestled with depression for nearly twenty years. It has been a part of my life since I was a boy, and, as far as I can tell, it shall be with me in the years to come. I have passed through many different seasons and trials; suffering through panic attacks, which then progressed into deep-seated self-loathing, seasons of apathy and melancholy, as well as dangerous issues with self-abuse and self-harm. Even to this day, I continue to struggle with the “black dog” of depression that lives within me. I say all of this to you today, because I do not want those of you reading this to think that I am unfamiliar with your plight or your struggle.

I have been there, bought the t-shirt and still wear it today.

I am writing to those of you who have, are, or will struggle with depression in your life. My hope and my desire is to affirm two points that you really, really need to hear:

  1. You are not in any way alone AND…
  2. It’s all going to be okay, even if you don’t believe me.

Growing up in the church, I could never understand how it was possible for someone (myself) to know Jesus, to love Jesus and to run around confessing Jesus as Lord yet, internally feeling as though there was no hope and that life was meaningless. This created a question that loomed in the back of my mind:

“If I really believe that Jesus is Lord and, in him, we have hope and life, then why don’t I feel it?”

After a long time, I came to understand that the problem was in my perspective of the situation.

After a long time, I came to understand that the problem was in my perspective of the situation. I had allowed the feelings that I had to influence what I said and I believed. Our beliefs cannot be formulated around what we feel because then our beliefs will be in constant fluctuation and not genuine at all. For instance, the goodness and proximity of God does not change based on our feelings. God remains a gracious and loving God who dwells with his children, even when he may feel distant or unloveable. God does not change based on our perspective of him and that truth should change our perspective entirely.

For me to declare that I believe in the eternal life and good hope of Jesus Christ, means that I stand by that truth, even when my emotions are running amuck. It is on this realization that I base my first affirmation to you, “You are not, in any way, alone.” I can say this to you with confidence, because Christ himself assures us that he will never leave us (Matthew 28:20) and that he also sends the Holy Spirit to dwell within us (John 14:16).

This defeats the first and greatest lie that depressive disorders create within us. This is the lie that we are on our own and God (as well as the rest of the world) has abandoned us. If you truly believe that the Lord is who he declares himself to be, that he fulfills his promises always; if you do not permit your feelings to dictate what you know to be true, then, you do not ever have to wonder again if you are alone. This does not mean that there won’t be times in which you wrestle with feeling alone, but it does mean that you have the sure footing to combat those feelings with what you do know to be true.

But, if you can get to a place where you genuinely believe what the Scriptures tell us is true, then you have conquered the greatest hurdle before you.

The dominant struggle within depressive disorders is overcoming the lies that flood into your head with the truth that you desperately need to hear. But, if you can get to a place where you genuinely believe what the Scriptures tell us is true, then you have conquered the greatest hurdle before you. Either way, I can tell you that it will all be okay, even if you don’t believe me (my second affirmation to you). I believe what the Scriptures declare is truth and I know that our Lord is with you and for you. As he spoke to his people once through the prophet Isaiah:

“For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, ‘Fear not, I am the one who helps you’” (Isaiah 41:13).

There are many things that you can do to combat the issues that arise within depressive disorders and this blog is not intending to belittle the numerous ways you can/should help ease your mental struggles (therapists, healthy diet, vitamins, staying physically active). My message is simply intending to remind you that in those dark moments, when you feel alone and meaningless, you have the ability to combat those lies with the truth of who God is.

If you are a Christian struggling with depression, I hope that I assured you and strengthened you by helping you to see that our struggle doesn’t take away from the goodness of God, but can actually be used to highlight his goodness. When we stand firmly on the truth of Scripture and walk in the sure standing of our beliefs – not allowing our emotions to sway what we know to be true – it is then when we can see the power of God moving. Then, we can understand more fully the truth once proclaimed by the apostle John about Jesus, “The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it” (John 1:5).

Do not permit your feelings to sway your beliefs. Let your Savior see you through the darkness into the light.

 

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Are Your Friends Good for You?

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I read something on social media the other day and it said, “Surround yourself with people who make you happy.”

Although I can appreciate the sentiment and heart of the statement, I actually found myself slightly grieved. When did we become a culture that lives to make ourselves happy? Maybe this is always the way it has been. I don’t think we should live to make ourselves sad but, is being happy really the best we can do? As believers, I think we can do far better.

Years ago, when I was attending a girls club at my church called GEMS, there was a song we would sing about encouraging one another and building each other up. The song was based off of 1 Thessalonians 5:11.

“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.”

He admonishes the people to live in the light of Christ and not to live in the darkness.

Paul writes this verse in the context of preparing for the day when Jesus will return. He admonishes the people to live in the light of Christ and not to live in the darkness. But what does it really mean to live in the light?

When you think about a small candle in a dark room, it can be considered a source of comfort. It is a symbol of hope and a beacon found for rejoicing. Sure, it makes me feel happy but, the candle isn’t there only for my happiness. The candle is there to bring light to a dark place, direction where there is no direction and hope when all things feel lost. I would much rather surround myself with people who help me to shine brighter. People who challenge me to step out of darkness and live in light. Sometimes this actually means experiencing hurt.

We need dynamic empaths, strong believers of grace and wise kingdom builders.

Of course, I am not saying you should intentionally put yourselves into situations where you will be susceptible to harm. Please, if you have the foresight to know that you could get hurt, do not bring yourself willingly into that situation for the sake of finding the light on the other side! But, I am saying that people are people and sometimes we get hurt or things happen we don’t expect and pain is ushered in. In those moments, we need so much more than just happy people by our side. We need dynamic empaths, strong believers of grace and wise kingdom builders.

Having people walk alongside you as you get soaking wet in the rain or shift and squirm in an uncomfortable and limiting shell is so much more valuable than people who will just make you happy.

Life is not all rainbows and butterflies. More often it is about the storm and life in a cocoon – it is about the transformation. Having people walk alongside you as you get soaking wet in the rain or shift and squirm in an uncomfortable and limiting shell is so much more valuable than people who will just make you happy.

Will one experience happiness? Yes! Definitely! Please smile, be grateful, be happy! But don’t settle for just happiness in your friendships. Use your words to encourage and challenge others. Initiate relationship in a way that won’t allow people to sit back and just let life happen. We are called to love and love means never letting someone stay the same. Let us look to Jesus. He indeed loves us as we are BUT He also calls us to live more and more as a reflection of Him.

If my life is not continually being shaped to look more like the life of Jesus, then maybe I have not surrounded myself with the right kind of people who help challenge me to weather the storm.

James 1:22-25 suggests that we need to partner our faith and belief in Jesus with action. Our faith saves us, our actions sanctify us and together they transform us into the likeness of Jesus. We know that Jesus was without sin and that He died to take ours away. So, why should I ever think that Jesus loves me as I am while at the same time believing that He wants me to stay in my own brokenness? If that is the case what was the point of the cross? Why the empty grave? If my life is not continually being shaped to look more like the life of Jesus, then maybe I have not surrounded myself with the right kind of people who help challenge me to weather the storm.

Jesus did not come to bring me happiness, He came to bring the kingdom of heaven to earth.

Jesus looks at us and sees us worthy of saving, so that is what He did. But, even to the woman caught in adultery He said, “Go now and leave your life of sin” (John 8:11). I will never be perfect because I never have been perfect. But, believing that I should simply, “surround myself with people who make me happy,” can lull me into thinking that I don’t need to change to look more like Christ. Jesus did not come to bring me happiness, He came to bring the kingdom of heaven to earth.

We are called, as believers, to surround ourselves with a great cloud of witnesses…

Can you see how our lives are called to be so much greater than just finding happiness? We are called to partner with Jesus in bringing heaven to earth. We are called, as believers, to surround ourselves with a great cloud of witnesses: Those who are ready and willing to face life’s perils, having confidence together that light is greater than darkness and that Jesus truly is the answer to all of life’s questions.

Jesus is it.

So, who do I want to be surrounded by? Not people who just make me happy, but people who are willing to be a beautiful part of the sanctifying process Jesus calls me to live out on this side of heaven.

 

 

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Making Your Reading Count When You Don’t Read Enough

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I was recently asked the following question by a former DTS Equip student of mine (DTS Equip is a leadership development school/seminar that is offered at a variety of YWAM locations):

“When you finish reading a book, what questions do you ask yourself? Or, what’s a way that you reflect on what you read to help you better retain what you learned?”

Great questions! After I replied I thought, “I think people out there might be interested in what works for other people, too.”  

The reason I do the following things is not because I read so much, but because I DON’T.

In case you may be thinking, “Man, this guy must be a serious and disciplined reader to write this!” …forget it.  When I read articles like this one, I usually enter with some hope of improving myself, only to leave with a sense of approaching dread and underachievement! If this is you too — I get it. The reason I do the following things is not because I read so much but because I DON’T.

However, as leaders, disciplers and trainers of others, we must read: books, articles, blogs, and even the news! We must remain learners, always looking to foster personal growth. So, when I do read something really worthwhile, I try to get as much out of it as I can. Perhaps even more than I would if I quickly read 5 or more books over the same time period. Quality over quantity, baby.

Here are seven ways I’ve learned to help myself review and retain what I read (I have grouped them into three categories: Taking It In, Passing It On and Push Reset):

Taking It In:

  • Read with a pencil in hand
    • I mark up my books! Write down significant quotes, effective summary sentences and make your own notes too.
  • Post-it note-it
    • If I sense that this is going to be a rich book that will serve a greater, deeper purpose, I grab some post-it notes. Bookmark those “read-this-again” locations. Use those small, colored, plastic sticky tabs and indicate key themes.
  • Re-read key notes
    • After the first reading, I go back and skim my notes.  This will give you an overview of the key takeaways. You can even type out your notes for future use, paraphrasing, and include your own thoughts. This gives you a file of nuggets from a book, arranged by theme or discipline, helping you remember stuff as well as recall where to find quotes later on. (Note: I am very careful to always cite accurately when I teach the ideas of others or use quotes. Always give credit where credit is due!)

Passing It On:

  • Imagine passing this on
    • It’s amazing how many times I’ve thought, “In the teaching I have coming up, this piece would fit really well.”  Or even more simply, “I want to pass this truth on.”  Imagining that I am going to do that, forces the text through my “processor” and always helps concrete it. 
  • Teaching, sharing
    • I might look for a platform to apply or share something from a book; either adding it to an existing engagement, or making it happen in another way. I’ve passed out articles and chapters to colleagues and even done book reviews in small groups for especially significant books. I have also brought books or articles into my mentoring. All of these bring the inevitable challenge of, “Well that’s all good and fine, Jeremy, but are you an applier or only an actor?” Boom. Always pay attention to those internal challenges.
  • Use your personality and learning style
    • If you’re not an extrovert, speaker or a teacher-type, don’t despair. Instead of imagining yourself teaching or leading, think about writing or blogging. What gets your attention in the material? What do others need to hear? How would you share that? What can you apply on your own?

Push Reset:

  • Re-read
    • Finally, I have re-read certain books. Especially if I’m needing it to go deeper or I’m taking it to others in some form.

What I do the most is underline, type out and save. This at least gives me a start for anything else. Then at the end of a book I often ask, “What is a synopsis in 4 points or less?” If I can do that, it’s getting in there. But the bottom line… imagine yourself applying or doing something with the content. Can you?

 

 

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You’re an Extra

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No one is going to remember you when you die. This isn’t just an opinion of mine, it’s a statement backed up by statistics. According to Ancestry.com, half of Americans know the name of only one or neither of their great-grandparents. 22% of Americans don’t even know what their grandfathers do or did for a living.

No one is going to remember you when you die.

We are a people of today, who are very enamored with ourselves. We often view ourselves as the center of the action; we are the main character in a world filled with extras. Nothing could be further from the truth. To be brutally honest, the facts above show that 70 years after your death, it’s likely your life will not be remembered. If you are looking to leave a legacy of your own greatness and accomplishments, the odds are stacked heavily against you. Even if you are one of the select few who reach a legendary status, time has a way to erase even the giants among us.

…our lives and what we do are not the focal point. God is.

This isn’t supposed to be depressing; it is meant to be just the opposite. We can be encouraged because we are not the main story of humanity — our lives and what we do are not the focal point. God is. His redemptive plan for humanity, His love and His call is, “all people to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth” (1 Tim 2:4).

Do you want to leave a legacy? Do you want to live a life that has lasting effects? Partner with Him. God is the main character. He is the hero. We are, as James says, “a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes” (James 4:14).  In spite of that truth, God still invites us to play a part in something much bigger.

He guides us through His Spirit to be a small part in the greatest story ever told.

It is difficult for me to comprehend how God invites us, His creation, to be used in His redemptive plan for mankind. Clearly it would be easier, quicker and more efficient to not even involve us. My wife and I had our first child in July. I cannot wait until I can teach my daughter things, patiently waiting and encouraging as she learns to feed herself, put away toys, tie her shoes, etc. I will undoubtedly be able to accomplish these things much faster by myself, but I know I will love slowing down and standing back, as she learns to do and accomplish things by herself. This is a similar picture of how I think God interacts with us. He allows us to be a part of His plan. He guides us through His Spirit to be a small part in the greatest story ever told.

My name will not be remembered by future generations. The little details of my life will not matter to people who are living 50 years after my death. However, the story that I have dedicated my life to telling, the story that God Himself has invited you and me into, will never be forgotten.

I get to be an extra in the story with one line to proclaim. Let it be the name of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

 

 

Wanting to make the greatest impact you can with your life?  Come join us for a Discipleship Training School to learn more about our God who invites us to be a part of the greatest story ever told.

 

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Daring To Be Obedient

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My journey to becoming a missionary with YWAM began in September 2013. For several years before coming to YWAM Montana I had been actively involved in different youth ministries. Between leading the youth group at my church, discipling students at a Christian high school and coordinating outreach opportunities at a province wide youth conference — I felt I had my ministry life made. I was in a place vocationally that played into my gifts, my talents, and my abilities and I found so much joy in what the Lord was doing with my life.  Recognizing that I’d be in ministry long term, I knew I should have some sound Biblical education under my belt. Being convinced that doing the School of Biblical Studies (SBS) at YWAM Montana was only short term, I willingly packed my bags and headed west to the tiny town of Lakeside.  

…When the Lord asked me to do Titus, I was convinced it was a “Abraham sacrificing Isaac” kind of request…

During those 9 months God asked me to apply for the Titus Project. Although I saw the practical aspect of Titus — learning how to effectively teach, preach and apply everything I’d learned in SBS — the program did not appeal to me. I had experience teaching and preaching and there was nothing about going overseas that sparked my interest. I strongly felt called to the West. I wanted to bring the hope of the Gospel to generations of young people in a culture that once upon a time was firmly rooted in Scripture. When the Lord asked me to do Titus, I was convinced it was a “Abraham sacrificing Isaac” kind of request. At the last minute, God would provide a ram for sacrifice and I wouldn’t have to give up my precious dream of implementing a reformed version of Biblical education in the West.

Although my actions in heading back to Montana were ones of obedience, my heart was bitter and I questioned why God wasn’t shutting the door to Titus. In Montana, I kept waiting for the moment God would miraculously provide a way out. Where was the sacrifice that would be sent in my place? Why was I getting stuck doing something I had no desire to do?

I let my bitterness settle deeper into my heart and I constantly wondered how God dared to ask me to do something so far off from where I thought He had me going.

I tried hard to ensure my negative attitude didn’t affect the other excited Titus participants.  I let my bitterness settle deeper into my heart and I constantly wondered how God dared to ask me to do something so far off from where I thought He had me going.

The night before I left on outreach, to a nation I had no desire to ever go, with people I did not have a previous relationship with — I wept. I wept hard. I did not want to go.

Over the next 2 months, I sought the Lord in hope of more clarity. The hope I found was that it wasn’t about me.

Like a zombie, I loaded my bags, left for the airport with my team and boarded the first of 5 planes which would take me to my destination. Over the next 2 months, I sought the Lord in hope of more clarity. The hope I found was that it wasn’t about me. It was the reality that the message I carried was something that could never be taken back once I gave it away. Although I found an immense amount of temporary peace when God spoke this to me, I felt myself spiritually spiraling into confusion about where He was bringing me in the future.

In the past, I had been so sure of my direction. This wasn’t a matter of having set in stone plans — I had learned to surrender those a long time ago. But it felt like God was asking me to surrender all of my dreams, all of my ideas and all of the visions He had offered to me about youth ministry and Biblical education. I was confused, hurt, and wondered again how He could dare make me surrender this much. I graduated from Titus with thanksgiving because I now recognized the value of the program. However, I also graduated the most directionless I had ever felt.

I spent most of the following year doing physical labor. During this time, God asked me to labor for Him and not engage in ministry. He was asking me to actively stay away from the things in which I’d felt so gifted and comfortable in before. I was baffled. Shouldn’t my life be about serving God? How was I being an effective kingdom builder when I was working on a farm? I couldn’t preach to plants! In the hours I spent alone, I wrestled with how what I was doing was anywhere close to suffering for the Gospel.

My dreams melted to the side and I clearly knew that joining Titus Project as a missionary would be the most effective place for the Lord to have me.

In early 2016, I finally had breakthrough. I felt the Lord asking me to join the Titus Project with YWAM. It was clear direction but it was also the very thing I had been fighting against doing for some time. The irony of it all was the peace and excitement I experienced the moment I clicked “send” on the email to see if my help was needed. There was a sudden anticipation that this was the most right decision. My dreams melted to the side and I clearly knew that joining Titus Project as a missionary would be the most effective place for the Lord to have me. Suddenly my delight for Him outweighed the desires of my heart and I saw that in fact, those desires had always been one in the same.

Since then, I haven’t looked back. I am so glad that when my heart was bitter, God was patient enough to dare me to be obedient.

 

 

Is God daring you to step out in obedience to something you are uncertain of? Are you willing to say ‘yes’?

 

Come join us for the School of Biblical Studies or the Titus Project! Invest in the Word of God and you may discover how God is daring you to be obedient.

 

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To Be Known

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“I always thought it was what I wanted to be loved and admired…. now I think I’d like to be known.” — The Nightingale

The idea of being truly known is something I’ve been pondering for a couple weeks now. My thoughts have been prompted by a reflection on our generation and the roadblocks to true intimacy that we face. For example, fear, shame, technology, false identity we present through social media, etc…

I’ve heard it said multiple times that one of our deepest desires as human beings is to be known.

I’ve heard it said multiple times that one of our deepest desires as human beings is to be known. The older I get, the more I agree with this. We all have a desire for someone to see our truest, deepest self and to be loved and accepted. The fear of not being accepted, understood, or valued stands in the way of building true intimacy with those around us. So we push aside our own voice and adopt the newest catch phrase. We hide our ordinary with perfectly staged pictures. We proofread a text or post dozens of times to avoid coming across any way but perfectly eloquent. The result of all this is relationships that aren’t intimate or genuine. We live our lives of anonymity. This isn’t groundbreaking news to anyone; we’re all aware that intimacy is slowly becoming an ideal rather than a reality in our generation.

 …there is a perfect solution to this problem and his name is Jesus.

The reason I’m fixated on this, the reason I think so many are bothered by this reality is because it goes against our deepest desire — to be known.  Oddly enough, as I think about this truth, I’m overcome by such extreme joy. This joy comes from knowing that this isn’t a hopeless situation. In fact, there is a perfect solution to this problem and his name is Jesus.

He is the answer to fear, loneliness, shame, doubt…. He not only knows each and every single one of us deeply, He invites us into intimate relationship with him. He doesn’t want our perfectly posed pictures or our facade of confidence. He wants unedited, raw, imperfect us.

The solution to our desire to be known and loved is Jesus.

 

Looking for deeper intimacy with Jesus?

 

Come join us for a Discipleship Training School to learn how God speaks when we make time to listen.

 

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