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Category: Student Articles

What’s The Point?

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I couldn’t understand what she was saying, but I could feel the pain in her heart.  Her mouth showed signs of drug abuse, with stained and missing teeth.  As my friend from YWAM Cheb asked her a question in Czech I picked out and understood one word of her answer.

Pět.

Five.

It was the number of my room on the eighth floor of the “Blue Tower” where we were saying in Cheb, Czech Republic. I had to know the number so I could get the key to my room.  It was the only number I knew in the Czech language at that time.

I knew what she was referring to by this one word.

She had five children.

I looked at her dark brown eyes and the glittery pink eye-shadow painted on her lids.  The pink sparkles gave some sort of facade of innocence and joy.

What a lie.

She was standing on the street waiting for a customer to buy her.  Buy her body, buy her time, buy her value.  She looked for a lost soul to try and buy what cannot be bought because she had five mouths to feed and humanity had put a price on the priceless.  So she gave that price what she had.  There was a lie fed to her that it was all she had to offer.

I wanted to hate everyone who had ever hurt her; her pimp, her customers; whoever it may be.  But God had gotten to me before the hatred.  He placed His heart in my heart about two months before.  He had given me compassion for every man who was trapped in the emptiness of searching for love and lust with currency.  I wanted to help them too.  Though it was harder to find, my compassion and heart for the traffickers and the buyers was just as deep as for the victims of this horrific crime humanity commits against itself.  Because in truth, everyone involved is a victim.

There wasn’t much I could get translated to her because my Czech contact spoke very limited English.  I could not think of a thing to say to her, she was the first prostitute I had ever spoken to.

What could I give her?  How could I change her world?

I am powerless.

I gave her a hug. I smiled at her.  I tried to convey with my eyes what could not be said with words; language barrier or not.  I wanted her to know that there was a Love that was better than life.  I desired her to understand there was a Hope and a future that did not consist of the hell she had been living in.

About a month later I was standing on the street talking with two teenage Czech girls.  They were out for a smoke on their break from school.  One of my team members, our translator and I had been speaking with them for awhile.  We had presented ourselves as students from America and Canada with a survey for them.  They were willing, but not interested.  That is, until we went deeper.

We talked about the possibility of heaven and hell.

I asked if there was a definite answer if they would want to know.  One girl jumped on it with an enthusiastic ‘Ano! (Yes!)’.  The other was more hesitant.

I took the first girl’s answer and headed into a series of questions.

I asked the girls – through my translator – how they would feel if someone had died for them, and in that death this person had paid for all the bad things they had done and insured for them that they would get to heaven.

They both said they would feel bad about it.

I asked them if it was an act of love if they could accept it more easily.

They said it would be easier, but still, no one should do that for them.

I asked them if they could be with this person after they died, would they want to be.

They both gave a definite ‘yes’.

I couldn’t help smiling as they said yes to Jesus before they even knew it.  Their souls were crying out for a love this good.

I then said, “What if I could tell you that someone did do this for you?”

I watched as the translation into their language reached their ears.  They’re eyes were wide and searching.  They wanted to know; was I speaking the truth?

I saw the beauty and life in the words I spoke.  I realized that the love I was presenting to these young girls was a love that by common phrase would be call “too good to be true”, except it is true.

I have been a Christian my whole life, but I’m not sure I realized how desperately people want what I believe in, until that moment.

I noticed I had a burning passion to say yes to this wonderful Savior that loved me – it was all I had ever wanted – even though I had said yes a long time ago.  I felt like I had convinced myself to believe in Jesus, even though I already believed.

I have always been worried about pushing Jesus on people.  So many people will tune you out the moment you mention Jesus, because they think of a religion soaked in rules without freedom.  But as I presented Jesus to the people of Czech Republic and let the truth of His grace, love and all that He is display itself, I realized I didn’t have to try and make being a follower of Jesus look attractive.  It already was.  Human error is what makes Christianity look so uninviting.  Jesus bought us for freedom. We are free.

I once heard someone say that trying to defend God is like trying to defend a lion; all you have to do is open the cage door and stand aside.   It’s true.  When we stop trying to shove God in a box that fits into our limited understanding people see the unending majesty of our King.

What’s the point?

In the moments that I stood on the streets in the city of Cheb telling souls about Jesus, my Savior, and His love, I saw that what I had been trying so hard to be right and perfect – the whole imagine of being a ‘good Christian’ – was not only not the point, but also not what I wanted.   It was simpler.  It was more beautiful than works.  It was grace. It was love.  It was what I wanted.

So as I stood before prostitutes and others who were searching, I could offer them a hope.  I could hand them what had been handed to me; free salvation.  I knew that I could completely stand behind what I was telling them, because I didn’t have a check list for them to fill out once they knew the Truth.

I didn’t care if – or want, honestly – the prostitute to become a ‘good Christian’ or the girls on the street to feel like they had to go to confessionals and services to fill out a Christian ‘to do’ list.

I want them to be free. I want them to know true, pure love. I want them to know Jesus.

That is it.

That is the point.

Transition – Standing on the Solid Rock

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As one starts out in life, in the real world of adulthood post-college, life could be described simply as transitional. It’s the transition from studying to working, from borrowing to paying, from renting to owning, and from flakiness to commitment. It’s a time where one is already an adult, but not yet living out the extent of what that entails – slowly and by the grace of God eventually being conformed to fully living out all of which their new social identity includes. It’s living in a state of transition.

The transition mindset is one that is either looking ahead and anticipating what is to come, or dwelling behind on what has been. It is not wholly focused on the present, but in a constant state of transition. Our culture today has labeled this mentality as not being present, a negative connotation, but is it actually negative? Apart from Jesus, yes, but in Christ, this is not negative at all; I would actually regard it as commanded.

As a follower of Jesus, our lives are also lived in transition. We are living presently in a fallen world, being conformed daily more and more into the image of Christ, and anticipating the glory to come of eternity in the presence of God, worshiping Him.

 “And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.” (2 Corinthians 3:18)

There is never a settling of permanence, because we are merely sojourners in a land not our Home awaiting our Savior to usher us into the eternal Kingdom.

In this life when we go through change it often results in a lot of stress, confusion, and shakiness; that’s expected, because Christians are made for the permanence that is glorifying God – who is unchanging, unshakable, and eternal.  When transition hits, there may be temptation to give heart to the anxieties of change, but for the Christian – there is permanence in the Unchanging. When this life brings occasions of transition, one can fix their eyes behind to the finished work of Calvary and ahead the promise of redemption, focused on eternity, and the one permanence that we can stand on: Christ the Solid Rock.

Living in transition is a great reminder for the saint that our physical state is indeed temporal (2 Corinthians 5:1-5), and the only thing permanent and unchanging is God himself. It is a time to offer praises to God as the Solid Rock, who is working through us the transition of being conformed into his image of perfection and wholeness (Romans 8:29) – which one day will be completed to the glory of God (1 Thessalonians 5:23-24).

Hidden with Christ

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January 3rd,

I woke up early on a Friday morning and took a train from Michigan to Montana. The train ride lasted over forty hours which gave me plenty of time to question what the heck I was doing. I quit a job I had held for too long, sold a vehicle I loved, and would soon be signing over the house I purchased a year prior to my brother. I didn’t tell anybody at the time but I had been struggling with depression for a while. At that time I had no desire to live but still somehow found myself on the train that day.

“For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God.” Colossians 3:3

Lecture phase was a time for healing. It was also a time of rediscovering the truths I once held onto so tightly. I had forgotten my identity but our Father is patient. It took time for the shame to wash away but soon enough I began to live again in the joy and peace that can only be found in Christ. His perfect loves amazes me. It doesn’t matter how far you have strayed his love for you is the same. People all around the world are looking for a love like this. They are searching but are coming up short. There is nothing on earth that will satisfy their hunger and thirst the way our Savior can.

People in Costa Rica wanted to hear about Jesus. They were hungry for him. We had very diverse ministry opportunities during our two month stay; Bible distribution, feeding the homeless, serving in nursing homes, working with children and single moms, a radio broadcast, service projects, park/street/beach evangelism, and more. It was an outreach packed with opportunities to love on people and be Christ-like examples to them.

One of my favorite moments came during a day of Bible distribution. Going from house to house I began to feel discouraged. That particular day it felt like what we were doing wasn’t making any real impact. So what changed? Eventually we reached a house and it was my turn to knock and hand out the bible. When the homeowner answered the door I told her what we were doing and asked if I could pray for her. She immediately broke down in tears. She was a mother and a wife but her husband wasn’t always around for her and their children. As she was sharing God gave me some words to encourage her. At the end of our ministry time that day our translator revealed to us that she had been praying for God to speak to her minutes before we came to her door.

Moments like that made it worth coming to Costa Rica for. A reminder that God can use you as long as you are willing to be used and that His love for His children is greater than we can ever imagine.

The Yellow Rose

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During DTS lecture phase, our team went to Spokane, Washington, for a week of ‘mini-outreach’. This was to get our team prepared to work and live together in Thailand  on outreach and for us to get a chance to serve in some cool ministries. We spent the first part of the week working with an organization called Youth For Christ and the second part of the week evangelizing and working with an organization helping refugees. It was an awesome and exhausting week!

One really cool thing happened within the first 24 hours we were there, before we had even gotten started doing ‘actual ministry’. The first night, we had a time of intercession and we asked God what His heart was for the week. The picture I got was of a yellow rose that was hanging upside down. It was dried out, brown, and brittle, yet still beautiful. I kept asking God what that could mean and saying, “Is that really you, God?” (ha, ywam joke) but I wasn’t getting much clarity. Finally, after everyone had shared and we prayed for a few more minutes, I felt like maybe God was saying the rose represented an older lady, who had served in ministry for many years, but felt dried up and poured out because of her many years of service. I got a vague picture of an old, very wrinkly woman that God wanted me to pray for and to encourage.

The next morning, about 12 hours later, we had some time to journal or read or do whatever we needed, so I went upstairs in the church we were staying at to be alone. I remember I was asking God to please make something that we put on the board the day earlier from intercession a reality. The skeptic inside of me was saying, “God, were you really giving us all random pictures yesterday, or was that just our imaginations?” After praying for a few minutes, some double doors opened from the parking lot and a person walked in. The person that walked in was a very old, very wrinkly (I’m not saying this to be rude, I’m saying this to be descriptive because it’s true) lady. She was wearing a yellow sweater. My adrenaline actually started pumping because I was thinking that she could be my yellow rose.

I went over to talk to her and found out she ran a program at the church called Meals on Wheels (a national program that provides meals for the elderly who may not be able to get proper meals on their own) and had been doing it for 10 years. She briefly mentioned how tiring the job was and how it was pretty demanding. This lady was probably over 75, cooked and served lunch for the elderly 5 days a week, and then mentioned that she had worked for almost her entire career in non-profit ministries. Combining these facts with her yellow sweater and wrinkles, I was jumping for joy inside because I knew I had found my yellow rose!

After a couple of minutes, I nervously told her about the picture God had given me the day before and I asked her if I could pray for her. She said that was fine and I prayed for spiritual encouragement for her and a couple of other things and that was it. It wasn’t some crazy supernatural experience where we began levitating or speaking in tongues or anything like that. It was just a simple conversation and a simple prayer, but God totally came through.

I fall into the trap, and I don’t think I’m alone, of being extremely skeptical and doubtful of God. What I’ve been realizing lately is that my doubts look like the question, “You really want to use me, God? You know all of the things I’ve done and all of the things I struggle with, surely you don’t want to use this ragamuffin,” (I just read The Ragamuffin Gospel so I had to find a place to throw that word in there). The truth is, when we start believing questions like this or thinking that we are ‘too far gone’ for God to use, we are basically telling God that He messed up and that His redemptive plan for all of mankind may work for everyone else, but not for us.

You don’t have to look very far in the Bible to find some pretty flawed characters. Moses had trouble speaking, Solomon worshipped the other gods of his many wives, David slept with his neighbors wife then had him killed, Jonah was extremely reluctant, Matthew was a tax collector, Paul murdered Christians, and the list goes on and on. In fact, there’s only one person in the entire Bible who didn’t have any flaws (spoiler alert: it’s Jesus).

From the very beginning, God set aside man from the rest of His creation. I think it speaks great volumes to the amount of love God has for us that even after sin entered the world, and after we continue to sin every day, He still chooses to use us as His chosen instruments to bring His name to the world (you see this all throughout the Old Testament as God uses prophets, and then most notably in the Great Commission from Jesus in Matthew 28:18-20). I sometimes think, “Since we screwed it up in the beginning, why didn’t God just create something new to have relationship with?” or, “Why didn’t God use angels instead of humans to redeem mankind after the fall?”. I don’t necessarily know the answer to these questions, but how awesome is it that the Creator of the universe chooses to use us, as broken and beat up as we are, to proclaim His name, even though most of the time we defame it? That type of love is crazy. But that’s how awesome our God is.

God has an incredible plan for each of our lives. When we accept Christ as our Savior, He declares us worthy of His name. Immediately upon salvation, we are adopted as sons and daughters. I encourage you to not live in doubt and skepticism like I have for most of my life. If God is big enough and personal enough to use someone like Paul to become the greatest missionary to ever live, He is big enough and personal enough to use you and me as well.

I believe there are tons of ‘yellow roses’ out there that we miss every day. I think more and more of them will be revealed to us as we continue to walk with God and trust Him in all of our ways.

God’s Perfect Peace

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God’s perfect use of timing and testimonies is something I’ll never be able to comprehend, and I’m alright with that. Prior to my DTS lecture phase, God was working on removing shame from a certain part of my testimony. Part of my testimony that I kept a secret, until this past summer (2013), when I told some of my close friends. God is still working on that now, with me taking this step and putting it out there, where family, friends, and other people will see.

For years I had called myself a Christian, but lived a life opposite of such. Along with calling myself a Christian, I smoked a hefty amount of weed. I didn’t tell anyone about it, because I knew it was wrong, but was totally content with living the double life and didn’t want to hear all the criticisms. It got to the point where I would go to church high, or leave church early to smoke. It was a constant in my life and something that I could control. Something that was there to bring me peace, when nothing else in my life did. I assumed that everyone in my high school either hated me or had preconceived beliefs about me. It wasn’t a place where I could find peace. Having split parents wasn’t a place where I could go to find peace. The only place I could find peace was when I was alone and had a piece in my hand.

For a long time, even though I had quit smoking and had changed to living a God-centered lifestyle, I was still ashamed of my actions. God brought me through a season of showing me that, yes it was wrong, and no that wasn’t what He intended for me, but God still loved me and still wanted to use me for His kingdom.

I didn’t know why God wanted to remove the shame and have me be comfortable with sharing this portion of my testimony….

until I met Jorge. 

The other day, we went to downtown Heredia, Costa Rica to do some street evangelism. We spent the first half of the morning walking around in small groups to just see what God had for us and the people of Costa Rica. We later met up at the park to share some testimonies and for the girls to perform their dance. After the dance, we continued to talk to the people in the park. Thinking my day was done, I nonchalantly walked over to the trash can to throw something away.

There was a group of homeless men sitting there that I had seen earlier so I just said my embarrassingly, american-accented “hola”. One man turned to me and asked in english where I was from. I told him the United States. He kindly pulled me away from the other men and started downloading his life to me. How he had lived in Chicago, New York, and Miami for parts of his life. He told me about all of the drugs he did and all of the sad, hard times he has had. He then told me he has smoked weed for 30 years. And out of all the drugs he’s done, that’s the only one he can’t quit. I asked if I could pray for God to rid him of his addictions and he said “please”. So I did. When I got to praying against the addiction to weed, I asked God what it was. “Why does Jorge, need marijuana?” All of the sudden, I was filled with this anxiety that I had known all too well. I asked Jorge if he smokes to get peace. He started to tear up. “Yes,” he said. I then told him my testimony involving weed. I told him that I have so much more peace with God, then I ever could have had with weed. God brings peace, not weed. I asked him if he wanted the same peace that I had. He instantly said “Yes!” I told him that God wants to give him that peace, and that it is going to change his entire life. That he will be able to spend eternity in peace. I then told him, that if he does this, there’s no looking back, he’s going to have to get rid of his drugs and fully commit to this new life with Jesus. His next response was not something I expected to hear when I first walked over to that trash can, “I’m ready, I want the God peace.”

I then had the privilege of praying a new brother into the kingdom. Jorge will be spending eternity in peace. A full, complete, and true peace. A peace we can’t find in anything else on this earth.

A peace that only our One, True, Heavenly Father can give us. God’s Perfect Peace.

The Love Of A Father

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At 30,000 feet my head finally felt clear. This was an abnormal feeling for my introverted self. I was surrounded by people, closely squeezed in on a Boeing 747, and yet I felt at peace. Looking through the little glass window brought a smile to my face. I inhaled and exhaled slowly and fully. As I thought back over the last few months, and dreamed of what was to come, I was in awe. I never would have thought that my life would be like this. I had never really known what exactly I wanted to do with myself, but this definitely exceeded my expectations.

I was flying high above the puffy white clouds and headed to Mexico. I had never left the country before. Goodness, I had never even left the West Coast before. But here I was, on a two month journey across the border. The unknown was present and daunting.

Up to this point my life had been a mess of broken emotions and frustrations. I grew up in a Christian home and knew God and all the rules of do’s and don’t’s that come with it. But I didn’t KNOW Him. I constantly struggled with not being good enough. I believed I was a failure, and I couldn’t figure out what I was doing wrong. Compared to everyone else, my list of mistakes seemed much shorter. I had never been drunk, didn’t touch any sort of drug, didn’t mess around with guys, obeyed my parents, and yet I still wasn’t satisfied. I still didn’t feel like I was good enough. I still sat on my bedroom floor and cried for hours. I still didn’t feel God near to me. I never doubted that He was out there, but I believed I had to earn it for Him to be near to me. I just couldn’t do it.

This pattern of life hung onto me as I began DTS. I knew I was weak; I knew I was insecure. I was frustrated and desperate for answers. I knew there had to be more to my relationship with God. There had to be, right? I was on the edge of revelation, either good or bad. Looking back I can see that what happened in those five months truly changed my life  for the better.

About halfway through our lecture phase it came to the point where I finally had to make a choice. I had wrestled with God and the truth He spoke about my identity for too long . I wrestled with the idea that I didn’t have to earn God’s love. People would praise me and I would brush it off, unwilling to believe I had worth. And then one day, it clicked. I realized that I could either continue this life that I was living, and believe my own truth, or I could say enough and begin walking in God’s truth. It sounds so simple and easy, but when you live your life a certain way for twenty years, it makes it hard to break the habit. On that day I chose to no longer believe the lies that had surrounded me for so long. I decided to close my ears off to the lies that had been whispered into me for so many years; lies of condemnation, shame, and lies about never being good enough. I took a stand and chose to believe what God had spoken to me, that I am His beloved child ­ wanted and desired because of who I am, not because of what I do.

My life will never be the same.

Our two months in Mexico wrecked me even more. This trip was nothing like I thought it would be, but nonetheless God did an incredible work. My wounds from my past were still fresh, my heart still tender, but God held me close and didn’t let me go. For the first time in my life I understood that God is my Father; He is my daddy and I am His little girl. I didn’t have to work for it, I didn’t have to earn it or convince Him to give His love to me. It had been there the whole time, waiting for me to accept it. On that ordinary day I said no to the lies and burdens I had carried for so long and took hold of the love that God was giving me. I didn’t realize then just how much that decision would change my life.

Don’t get me wrong, this journey hasn’t ended yet. Every day I still have to remind myself of this truth and the decision I made. I still don’t understand everything, and I still have many struggles. But when I remind myself of everything that happened in DTS I remember that I am a different woman because of it. I remember that I have to choose HIM. Every day He says, “You are my beloved child.” When the world tries to take me under, I can rest in the secure embrace of my father. His freedom, healing and love wash over me in ways I’ve never experienced before. It’s been a hard, tough journey, but it’s been the best one I’ve ever been on.

Always Good

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Sometimes in our lives we are faced with circumstances that would not be considered our ideal. When we plan out what we want our lives to look like, seldom it includes walking through difficult things, and actually seldom our plan includes even moments that are among the greatest we have lived. I don’t know of a person who would plan their ideal life saying: “Oh, I think that when I’m in my twenties I’ll include _____  that sounds marvelous and life-giving, and I know I’ll really glorify God through it.”

It’s not what I planned… but something that I am learning is that His plan is actually much better than mine. His timing is better. His pace is better. And He includes lessons and moments in His decree that are far better than anything I could conjure up in my finite mind: because He is good, and apart from Him, I am not.

So, do I actually believe this? In the midst of the difficult things, I’m not going to lie and say I always believe that what I am going through is ultimately for good. I see the depravity of my behaviors, my thoughts, my motives, and all I can see is sin

I’ve actually been very discouraged lately; I am even finding myself questioning the goodness of the Lord-the sovereign goodness of God that I have been reading about consistently for almost six months now… because all I can see is my problem.

We assume that once we commit ourselves to following Jesus that everything is going to get better. I struggled with _____ (fill in the blank) before I knew Jesus four years ago, stuff like that is expected from a non-Christian; but a Christian who battles this… is that even possible?

Yes, it is possible. And it happens when our eyes unfix our gaze from the finished work on the cross. See, right now all I am able to see before me is my problem: I have lowered my gaze from the cross to the world and I have lost sight of the hope and the life that is found in being a Christian. No wonder I don’t see any good: I’m not looking at anything good.

Hebrews 11 begins, “Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.” Being a Christian is fixing our gaze, in faith, at the unseen.

I am a firm believer in the absolute sovereignty of God, working all things for the good of His elect, and ultimately to provide Him the most glory. It was mentioned to me recently, relating to a popular theological debate among us SBS students, how the concept of believing in the absolute sovereignty of God can give ground for skewed understanding of man’s role in relation to that, and thus result in behavior that is not consistent. Determinism is appealing in that it perceives to take away man’s responsibility for any action- “for it’s God’s will,” and give man the perception of having no obligation to walk out holiness in their life- “for God is working for good regardless.” Free will is appealing in that it gives man a perceived control, which appears as if ultimately man is in control of his life and decisions. I think that its unsafe to land on either extreme, or there will likely result behavior that is dictated by this theological misconception, or in other words: the book of James was incredibly correct if summarized as: “you behave according to what you believe.”

I believe that God is indeed working for good, and that it is Him who is in control, but with that we are given responsibility to walk it out. (Which I conclude is actually God doing it through our doing.) My favorite theologian, Jonathan Edwards, states it this way in his Writings on the Trinity, Grace, and Faith:

“In efficacious grace we are not merely passive, nor yet does God do some, and we do the rest. But God does all, and we do all. God produces all, and we act all. For that is what he produces, that is, our own acts. God is the only proper author and fountain; we only are the proper actors.

We are, in different respects, wholly passive and wholly active. In the Scriptures the same things are represented as from God and from us. God is said to convert, and men are said to convert and turn. God makes a new heart, and we are commanded to make us a new heart.

God circumcises the heart, and we are commanded to circumcise our own hearts; not merely because we must use the means in order to the effect, but the effect itself is our act and our duty. These things are agreeable to that text, ‘God worketh in you both to will and to do.’ (Philippians 2:13)”

I know that the good might be the lessons that others learn through witnessing the struggle, or walking besides us on the rough days: pointing to the Bread of Life. It might be the testimony that will once bear after having overcome. It might just be a daily lament before the presence of the Lord, giving His children what is always best: Himself.

I am, though, proclaiming to you today that I love Christ; I know He is actively working in my life, I know He is worthy of all of my life, and I know He is still good. Oh, how He is good.
With Christ in me, equipped by the Holy Spirit, I am equipped to live a completely sinless life in the Spirit. But I know that’s not going to happen, because I am not glorified yet. I am still sojourning in the world that is not my home, corrupt and fallen, but at the same time perfectly righteous before God. Why? Tension.

Look to none other than the Apostle Paul here in Romans 7: 14-25,

“For we know that the law is spiritual, but I am of the flesh, sold under sin. For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, 23 but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin.”

Paul recognized that there was a spiritual tension going on. His heart was filled with the Holy Spirit, he resolved good, but his body was a product of this world and a servant of the flesh. What then? How can you overcome such battle? This may sound elementary here, but I do have an answer for you: Jesus.

Because of what Jesus accomplished in his sacrificial death on the cross, I do have victory. Every day that my flesh wins the battle, I know that there is grace because Christ has won the war. He rose again defeating sin and death, and it was only through the sin of man crucifying Him, the most wicked of sins ever committed to my regard, that there is this goodness. The ultimate good was secured eternity for God’s chosen people, promised life with God forever; and it was only through sin that it could have been accomplished- the sin of man crucifying Jesus, God the Son.

With that, I know that despite the most-wicked of sins, there is always goodness for those who love God. There is always good, because God has promised to work all things for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. So who am I to define goodness in my finite regard to struggling or not struggling in life in our unglorified bodies? I’m a daughter of God, that’s who I am; and I know that God is good, God is totally in control, and I am totally secure in His promise of full sanctification on my last day. There is victory…there has been since three days after Jesus was crucified. All glory to God.

Originality and Failure

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The thought of creating always brings a sense of trepidation. Even as I type this short prose on my laptop, I am filled with consternation. Why do I have any fear over writing a short article? Perhaps the source of unease is from eating that day-old sandwich too quickly which now, an hour later, is distracting me. Or maybe there are just too many brilliant thoughts inundating my mind. More likely, it is that all-too-familiar fear of failure. As many have already discovered, failure should not prevent anyone from moving forward. In fact, when an endeavor results in what seems like failure, it ought to be embraced as being part of the process to create or become something original.

When he was given a solid block of marble, Michelangelo could have considered the risk that he might fail, saying while shrinking back, “It really is a perfect piece of stone anyway.” Instead, though he knew that one wrong move could ruin the statue-in-process, he moved forward with the confidence that he could see the statue within the stone and created works such as his David sculpture. As perfect as this masterpiece appears at first glance, however, it becomes evident that the body parts of the statue are disproportionate—for instance, the right hand is larger than the left. This was a technique Michelangelo intentionally used to give the figure a dynamic look, making it unique just as the physical features of each individual truly are.

I have long understood the idea that imperfection and failure do not disqualify me from being a good musician, speaker, leader, or human being. Albeit this fear has continually kept me from doing, well, just about anything—and all the while, the choice is mine whether to give in to fear or to live in victory. I was again faced with this choice when I went on a two-month trip to the Dominican Republic and Haiti with with a team of 20 other people last December. This presented a number of challenges: safety, unity, and uncertainty of what the conditions would be like in La Hispaniola Island, to name a few. Reality, it seems, often goes beyond even one’s most vivid imagination, and I learned that firsthand when the circumstances of our outreach turned out much worse than I anticipated.

We had arrived fully prepared to teach english, run health classes, and hold events in different parks, most of these events fell through due to issues beyond our control. Problems with our team’s physical health began within the first week. My hand blew up like an inflated latex glove when I was stung by a bee. The sting was incurred while clearing away foliage at the YWAM base where our team was staying in Azua, DR. Another teammate was the recipient of several such bee stings. Thankfully, her reaction was not as severe as mine. In the middle of our “open air” events in the park, the electricity would spontaneously cut out and we could not attract a large crowd. Such challenges are easy enough to endure, but the worst was yet to come. About one month into the trip, the team travelled to Haiti. Within days, virtually the whole team was overtaken by vomiting and diarrhea. These setbacks made it extremely difficult to be effectively involved in the work projects and revival meetings we were scheduled to help with. Complicating matters even further was the sad reality that hospitals in Haiti are poorly-equipped to handle malignant illness.

Everything we had planned turned out to be either completely different than what we expected or fell apart entirely. I instinctively wondered, “Was all of this a complete waste of time?” Much of what we came to do, we simply did not do. The remainder of our time in Haiti was cut short due to illness. Yet at the same time, the trip was immensely successful. The way the team met each other’s needs and encouraged one another in the midst of sickness was a living example of the Church in action not only to ourselves but to those around us. As soon as a team member recovered, he or she was back in action immediately. When technical problems arose, as they frequently did, everyone quickly adapted and kept the focus on caring for the people we were there to minister to. In that way, our work there was incredibly engineered, as only God can do. Through word and deed, the life-giving message Jesus offers was spread either through organized functions or individual connections.

Originality is often accompanied by failure. As C.S. Lewis writes, perfection is not the first step, for “Even in literature and art, no man who bothers about originality will ever be original: whereas, if you simply try to tell the truth…you will…become original without ever having noticed it… Give up yourself, and you will find your real self.” God did not wait for us to adjust our behavior to save us (see Romans 5:8). To walk in the freedom He promises, we must give up trying to make ourselves into something original and let God take over the endeavor no matter how messy it appears. We do not have the whole picture, but we must trust that God does. “I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing” (John 15:5, ESV). This is not some quaint platitude, this is the cost of becoming the true original you were made to be.

Light To The Darkness

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As I sit and look back on my outreach, I realize that I will never be able to wrap my mind around how much grace and mercy God showed me during that time. I will never fully realize how blessed I am and how much of a privilege it was to go to Taiwan and be able to reach out and touch the broken. Going to Taiwan to talk about God was a privilege. The fact that I was on an adventure half-way around the world was a blessing in and of itself.

Throughout our whole outreach, there wasn’t a day that went by where we weren’t surrounded by people that have never even heard of the name of Jesus. They have grown up in Buddhism and have known nothing else but Buddhism. In the past I would look at that fact in such a hopeless way. I used to see the world as a broken object, something that could never be fixed. I saw all the injustice in the world and I would say to myself, ‘Where is God in any of this? How could he let whole generations die without letting them hear of his name?’ But throughout outreach my outlook on all of that shifted. Instead of looking at the world’s brokenness in a condescending way, I started to look at all this hurt and unawareness as an opportunity. You don’t look at people the same way. You don’t look at someone and think, ‘That person is so lost’, but you look at them and all you can think about is how to approach that person about God. You get this overwhelming urge to plant a seed and I truly believe that it’s God’s encouragement to us when we feel that way about someone. He doesn’t want us to just be friendly and kind but to take that next step and tell them how much their heavenly father loves them.

One example of this longing to share the gospel occurred when we performed a skit in front of some Taiwanese students. Before we performed the skit, one of us would ask the kids how many of them had ever heard of the Bible before. Usually only about 10 kids would raise their hands. If I was still my old self, my heart would have sank. But when my new self saw those few hands go up, I would get excited because every kid in that room would be soon able to raise their hand. Every time we performed that skit, hundreds of seeds were being planted and it was so encouraging to have kids come up to us and ask more about this Jesus person. Telling them about God and watching their faces become more curious is one of the most fulfilling things I saw on outreach.

Before outreach I was very skeptical about being in missions but now, I don’t want to do anything else with my life. If I can travel the world to reach out to the broken and bring light to the darkness for the rest of my life, I will be the most content person in the world. I will be that light to those kids around the world, to those people that have grown up without the truth of Jesus, and to those that are hurt and are seeking something bigger than themselves. We are all children of God and I want to live out my life in a way that points to Jesus.

When I was on outreach, and even now that I’m home, there were many times where I felt overwhelmed or completely out of energy, but now whenever I feel that way, I just look back to this verse and I am encouraged. I hope that it can be an encouragement to you as well.

James 1:2-6, 12
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. Let steadfastness finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, lacking nothing. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and have no doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind…..Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.”