The silence feels devastating.
If I lack these things when God speaks, you can probably guess how my heart is when I feel He is silent.
There have been moments in my life where God speaks so clearly to me. I find myself either thankful for His words or not happy because I wanted to hear something else. I have prayed the same prayer over and over again in hopes that He will speak differently. It’s such a selfish way to pray. It’s like I pray for confirmation or assurance, but never for truth. I have come to realize that God does not change His mind. God is constant. And when I doubt, it’s not because He is changing His mind but because I completely lack trust, faith, and peace. If I lack these things when God speaks, you can probably guess how my heart is when I feel He is silent.
Silence is what I have been struggling with for a while now. I pray and pray, and hear nothing. Or I pray and hear all things, giving me absolutely no confidence or direction. It has been so frustrating! I am one who thrives on wisdom, I absolutely love it! And when I feel like I am desperately seeking it and find nothing, I truly don’t know how to move forward. I began asking many questions during what felt like silence from God, the main one being:
“If God is not speaking, how do I know whether I am walking in obedience or disobedience?”
In the past, I spent way too many years living in disobedience and falling further and further into sin, which has made me fear falling into disobedience again. So this incessant need for God to speak began to consume my prayers and fill my heart with such confusion.
I looked back at the beginning of this “silence” I felt and found that God was doing something the whole time.
But, there’s something I have finally come to realize (mostly by studying the Bible): God speaks not only through words, but even more so through action! The other day I looked back at the beginning of this “silence” I felt and found that God was doing something the whole time. I see now that He was teaching me, He was helping me to grow, and He was humbling me. I do not get to live as an entitled daughter to a beautiful God. I do not get to believe that I deserve His answers and understanding whenever I ask for them. I do not get to victimize myself when I don’t feel him speaking, because the truth is He never stops speaking! The reality is that I just didn’t trust that He could be working in my life even when I felt I heard nothing.
Proverbs 3:5 “In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths.”
God MAKES straight our paths if we surrender control. It doesn’t say He will tell us how, it just says He will do it.
If God wasn’t “silent” (and when I say “silent” I mean in regards to me hearing Him) then I would have never looked up to see Him at work. And He deserves that! So I acknowledge Him now and forever! I acknowledge that even when I hear nothing, I know He is speaking through His actions.
I am not alone. I am not unheard. He is always moving.
The “silence” is crucial.