Knowing Vs Believing

I will be vulnerable and honestly say this past month has been hard for me. Our ministry here in Nepal has been spirit led, the team has continually grown, and we have had the privilege to see God moving in Nepal. In spite of all of this, this past month has still been a struggle. This is the first time where I’ve been in a country that is so closed to the idea Christianity. Last year I led a team to Haiti. Even in that nation, where Voodoo is so deeply entrenched in the culture, the Haitians were at least open to what we had to share. Here in Nepal, so very few will take to heart the message of Jesus we desperately want to share with them.

Seeing this day after day has really brought me down. I KNEW deep down that we had been planting seeds daily and I tried convincing myself that the truth of God was moving within each person that we spoke to. However, I still found myself being discouraged.

“You can only gain a big heart by allowing Jesus to break your little one.”

After two weeks of ministry, I came to the realization that I still didn’t have a heart for the Nepali people. During our DTS lecture phase one of our speakers, Jackie Pullinger, told us – “You can only gain a big heart by allowing Jesus to break your little one.”

I realized that I  had been so caught up in my discouragement that I hadn’t been willing to allow God to break my heart for the Nepali people.

It was incredible to see and feel the change within me after this revelation. I began to see every situation differently. I began to see the hurt and brokenness and desire for more within each person.  It no longer mattered if I thought they were even listening, or if they cared, or if they were only there because they had nothing better to do, or because they wanted to argue with us. I was excited after ministry, whether we saw results or not. I not only KNOW that God is working in Nepal, but now I BELIEVE with all my heart that God is working within each and every person that hears the truth of God that we’re here to share.

It’s taken me a month longer then it should have to bring myself to this place, but I’ve finally allowed God to break my little heart and I no longer have to convince myself that God is moving. Now I BELIEVE with all my heart he is.

Ready to make the jump.

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