Look Up

A spoken word by Mandie Messerschmidt

I’m Drowning.

Where am I?

I look around and I am drowning in a pool of fear and doubt.

I look to my left and I see the dollar signs that are so closely following me. I panic. How did they find me even here?

Trying to find relief…  I look to my right and see the mirror. The mirror that’s followed me all of my life. The exposure of all my inadequacies; of heart and mind. It tells me that it is my true reality.  It taunts me. It haunts me.

My head begins to spin and my heart begins to race. I’m drowning.

How did I get here? This is not okay.

There is something wrong, surely I’ve come to the wrong place.

People tell me, when you are in the will of God there will be peace… that’s it…  I must have come to the wrong place.
I heard you wrong.
Unless… you… did you put me in this pool that will surely bring the end?

When? Why? How?

Too many questions in my head! I’m drowning.

Where are you? No seriously where are you?!
I thought you were good! I thought I could trust you!

I’m drowning in questions. I’m drowning in doubt. Oh God, if you could only see your daughter now.

When the going gets tough, I know I’m not enough.
The mirror shows me the truth.
Spiritually, emotionally, physically… I’m a weed. There’s no room for growth.

I’m drowning in my doubt. Left, right, left…. (sigh) right…. There’s no place to look.

Where are you?

That’s when You say, look up.

Tears are running down my face. My tears are filling this pool that surely is my fate…
Frozen in this pool of fear and doubt. This is it… there’s no way out.

I begin to drown and I hear you scream,

MY DAUGHTER JUST LOOK UP!!!
I promise I am enough.

I don’t know how but your words wake me from the destruction that so closely entangles me.
And I see that there is only one way out.

Slowly, slowly, slowly my head begins to move.
As my head moves I see the dollar signs fighting their way to me.. I begin to tremble.
As my head moves I see the mirror trying to reflect all that I’ve been… all that I am.

Up, up, up… my head moves up.

And then in a glorious moment my eyes are locked with yours.

You look at me. Grace. Kindness.

I look into your eyes…. It can’t be…. Do I even see love.

I promise I am enough.

My daughter. Don’t doubt.

Moving me into reality.

Moving me into reality, the dollar signs vanish. All debt has been paid.

Moving me into reality the mirror shatters.

All I am allowed to see… are the things you do…. Beauty and grace. A daughter loved and free. I’m not a weed… you blossom me.

Reality. Is. You.

They can’t stand against you.

Holding me you whisper:
I promise I am enough.
I won’t let you drown.
I define you.

Why do I doubt? Why do I think you’ll allow me to drown?

You are enough.
You won’t let me drown.
You, Yahweh, define me.

 

Are your circumstances causing you to doubt God? Are you worried you can’t trust Him?

 

Join us for a Discipleship Training School and learn what it means to ‘look up’ and know that God is for you and He is faithful!

 

Ready to make the jump.

At YWAM Montana-Lakeside, we are all about doing whatever it takes to know God and to make Him known, together! We’d love to help you make that next step in your global missions education. Apply now!

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